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The Onion

  1. Aides Struggle To Stop Dozens Of Kerosene-Soaked Republicans From Lighting Selves Ablaze Atop David Koch’s Body
  2. Every Ingredient In Recipe Substituted To Avoid Trip To Store
  3. Bernie Sanders Launches $16 Trillion Climate Plan
  4. David Koch Pumps Billions Of Dollars Into Campaign To Secure Antonin Scalia A Seat In The Holy Trinity
  5. Impact Of The Massive Fires In The Amazon Rainforest
  6. Disneyland Employee Hastily Ad-Libs Story About How Much Goofy Loves Napping On The Pavement
  7. Kid Only Pitcher Because He’s Son Of Coach, Gets Daily One-On-One Training, Goes To Pitching Camp Every Summer
  8. Idiot Walking Around With Fly Open
  9. Christmas-Obsessed Woman Worships Christ Year-Round
  10. We Imprison Hideo Kojima In An Interview Room Until He Breaks Down And Admits He’s Just Making Shit Up As He Goes Along
  11. Derek Carr Distraught After Reading ‘Hard Knocks’ Script Where He Stabs Antonio Brown In Season Finale
  12. Pros And Cons Of Tax Exemptions For Religious Institutions
  13. Man Who’s About To Cry Bursts Out Of Crowded Room Like He’s Transforming Into A Werewolf
  14. Poll: Half Of Trump Voters Would Blame Him For Recession
  15. Brazilian Government Equips Firefighters With Flamethrowers To Combat Massive Amazon Rainforest
  16. Derek Jeter Just Going To Go Ahead And Count Stray Cats In Marlins Attendance Figure
  17. Crowd Roars In Approval As Makeup-Smeared Trump Begs Rally To Tell Him He’s Beautiful
  18. ‘Don’t Worry, I’ll Always Be Here To Fight Climate Change,’ Says Jay Inslee Before Ethereally Turning Into Majestic Oak
  19. New Trump Policy Would Permit Indefinite Detention Of Migrant Families
  20. Report Finds Majority Of Freeway Accidents Could Have Easily Been Filmed
  21. Struggling Hickenlooper Drops Out Of Colorado Senate Race To Run For Jefferson County Commissioner
  22. ICE Opens Interdimensional Detention Center To Indefinitely Imprison Immigrants Across Infinite Number Of Multiverses
  23. Cartoon Lasso Works Implausibly Well
  24. 10 Clumps Of Grass In Video Games
  25. Woman Tearfully Parts With Long Hairstyle After Realizing She Can’t Provide It With The Kind Of Care It Deserves

Waterford Whispers

  1. “Sister. Get. That. Dick.” Confirm Nation’s Supportive Best Friends
  2. 5 Signs Your Phone Is Listening To You
  3. ‘Share Packs’ To Be Renamed ‘Packs’
  4. Gardaí Unsolved Crime Podcast Celebrates 9,000th Episode
  5. ‘God Save The Queen’ To Be Replaced By ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ Theme
  6. In Shocking Twist Media Falls For Trump’s Bullshit Again
  7. Global Fears Subside As Amazon Rainforest On Fire, Not Warehouse
  8. Caitlyn Jenner Tipped As Next Bond
  9. 7 Boris Johnson Solutions To The Backstop Rejected By The EU
  10. Dublin Sick Of Carrying Rest Of Country On Its Back

The Chive

  1. Daily Afternoon Randomness in HQ (44 Photos)
  2. Is it a rabbit or bird? No one on the internet can f**king agree (24 Photos)
  3. The Top User Submitted Videos of the Week 2019 – Week 20
  4. BOOBs vs. BUNs with Side-by-Side GIFs (16 GIFs)
  5. The world’s most effective fire alarm for burning sandwiches (Video)
  6. Birds are im-peck-able a**holes (33 Photos)
  7. 45 girls who are 100% not vampires (45 Photos)
  8. These guys made MARVEL rated R (Video)
  9. Having kids sounds like a three-ring circus that never leaves town (25 Photos)
  10. Sorry, but you are officially old if… (30 Photos)

Pinboard Funny

Buzzfeed

  1. A List Of All The Celebrities That Fell For That Really Dumb Instagram Hoax
  2. 10 Grocery Stores That Made Me Say "That's Genius," And 10 That Just Made Me Sigh
  3. You're DEFINITELY In Your Mid-20s If You Check Off At Least 38 Of These 75 Things
  4. We Know Exactly How Dark Your Soul Is Based On The Black Dresses You Choose
  5. 15 Millennials Who Are D-O-N-E With Baby Boomers
  6. Which Role Do You Instantly Think Of When You See These 17 Actors?
  7. If You Think You're Having A Horrible Day, Just Remember These 19 People
  8. 16 Cats That Are Unapologetically And Adorably Rude
  9. 19 Things That Aged Very, Very Poorly
  10. Eight Of These Fish Are Dangerous. Can You Pick The One That Isn't?
  11. 24 People Who Realized Their Mistake Juuuuuust A Second Too Late
  12. 23 People Who Did Not Get The Response They Expected
  13. Couples Are Sharing The Strangest Stuff They Learned About Each Other When They Moved In Together, And LOL
  14. 17 Kids Who Are So Smart You'll Kinda Hate Them
  15. This Never-Ending Food Quiz Will Definitely Eliminate You Before You Reach Level 50
  16. People Are Sharing Their Telltale Signs That Somebody Peaked In High School And It's Way Too Real
  17. 15 Really Funny Things That Made Me Fall Out Of My Chair Laughing This Week
  18. 14 Design Fails By People Who Wrongly Assumed "Eh I'm Sure It's Fine"
  19. 18 Hilarious Tumblr Posts I Saw This Month That Made Me Actually LOL
  20. 15 "I Caught My Parents Having Sex" Stories That Will Honestly Make You Cringe
  21. The 7 Types Of Dudes At Any Summer Cookout
  22. 16 People I Just Wouldn't Mess With...Ever
  23. Eight Of These Berries Will Poison You. Can You Pick The One That Won't?
  24. Make 18 Difficult Decisions And We'll Reveal Your Most Polarizing Quality
  25. 23 People Who Completely Regret Waking Up That Morning
  26. Here Are The Funniest Tweets About The New "Cats" Trailer
  27. Everyone's Making The Same Paul Rudd FaceApp Joke, So I Tried It Out
  28. Here’s What The Kardashians Look Like With FaceApp’s Old Person Filter
  29. If You Can Remember Every Single One Of These Vines, We'll Be Seriously Impressed
  30. I'm Laughing At These Things Non-Americans Say Americans "Love Saying"
  31. A Cake Decorator Misheard Instructions For A Little Girl's Birthday And I Am Dead At Her Reaction
  32. This Birthday Cake With A Pot Plant And Stoned Pony Is The Funniest Misunderstanding Ever
  33. Here's How Dramatically Different Celebrities Look In Their Instagrams Vs. The Same-Ish Picture In Real Life
  34. 22 Times Twitter Taught Us More Than Grade School And College Combined
  35. We Know How Adult You Are Based On The Groceries You Buy
  36. 49 Viral Memes From 2019 (So Far) That'll Make You Grin Like A Fool
  37. 17 Mind-Blowing Facts People Learned When They Were "Today Years Old"
  38. 19 Parents Who Probably Contemplated Grounding Their Kids Forever
  39. 17 Accidentally Hilarious Photos That Are Just Too Good
  40. The 24 Highest Moments In All Of Human History
  41. If You Had 13 Of These 38 Things Growing Up Then You Were Definitely Rich
  42. If You're Having A Bad Day, Here's 31 Tweets To Turn That Frown Upside Down
  43. Customize Your Cheesecake And We'll Reveal Which High School Clique You Belong In
  44. 18 Pictures That Prove Drunk People Are The Absolute Best Type Of People
  45. 19 Designs Tattoo Artists Are Sick And Tired Of Doing
  46. I'm Obsessed With Jennifer Lawrence Harassing Amy Schumer Via Text
  47. Keanu Reeves As All Your Favorite Disney Princes
  48. If You Think You're Having A Bad Day, Just Think Of These 20 People
  49. I Bet You Can't Make It Past Level 30 On This Never-Ending Disney Quiz
  50. 15 Things That'll Make You Say, "Damn, That Sucks"

Newsthump

  1. Media declare Amazon fires ‘important enough for front page’ after discovery of old cathedral in the rain forest
  2. ‘Liberty, Equality, Fraternity’ says France, ‘Stupidity, Inequality, Paternity’ says Boris
  3. Looking like a dimwitted oaf who can’t use furniture is a triumph for Boris Johnson, claims Telegraph
  4. Donald Trump announces plans to buy Narnia from Middle Earth
  5. Prince William accosted on budget airline by hen do wielding giant inflatable cocks
  6. ‘I am the chosen one’ says man who doesn’t live in real world and wants guns – lots of guns
  7. Isle of Wight renamed Isle of White in hope Donald Trump might fancy buying it
  8. Shape-shifting lizard community appalled by Prince Andrew nonce allegations
  9. Angela Merkel pissing herself laughing after sending new boy Boris on errand to get some elbow grease
  10. Government plans new al-fresco accommodation for children living in shipping containers

The Daily Mash

  1. Man refuses to accept it is too cold for shorts
  2. Years of therapy unravelled in three-minute conversation with nephew
  3. At least we’re only on fire metaphorically, Johnson reassures UK
  4. Five backstop solutions that are obvious if you’re thick
  5. Kevin McCloud over-budget, living in caravan and pregnant
  6. It’ll be just like The Good Life, say cheerful no-dealers
  7. How to be the total psycho in your flatshare
  8. Wine connoisseurs ‘missing entire point of wine’
  9. Are you looking at your phone enough first thing in the morning?
  10. How to be a miserable d*ck about other people’s GCSE results
  11. I don’t even want Greenland any more, pouts Trump while playing with toy Greenland
  12. Five great reasons to hate the Lib Dems all over again
  13. Woman opts for celibacy rather than tidying her room
  14. Are you tediously wholesome enough to be a Bake Off contestant?
  15. Boyfriend thinking of doing stand-up comedy instantly 85% less attractive
  16. Johnson opens Merkel talks with five minutes of Nazi jokes
  17. Child who calls parents by their first names freaking everyone out
  18. How to blame other people for your Brexit bullsh*t
  19. Living life to the full ‘not the same as getting p*ssed every day’
  20. Late night trip to Tesco still oddly thrilling

The Poke

  1. Run DMC ft Aerosmith added to this video of a shadow of a millipede walking is today’s favourite thing
  2. This guy was just attacked by a giant spider on BBC News and didn’t even blink
  3. What We See When We Look At A Festival Poster
  4. Everything about this French newspaper’s Boris Johnson cartoon is perfect
  5. Just a great takedown of the troll who put down this woman’s request for ‘low calorie’ recipes
  6. Guy reacts to his girlfriend catching the bouquet at a wedding
  7. Everyone Needs To See This
  8. Rob Lowe’s son trolling him on Instagram will make your day better
  9. This dish prompted the best comment on Rate My Plate
  10. People are sharing things we do that make us officially old – these 24 are hideously relatable
  11. Favourite 14 things people said about this picture of Boris Johnson with Emmanuel Macron
  12. This woman’s trolling of the guy who corrected her typo on Twitter is A++
  13. People have been sharing the worst date they’ve ever had – 29 total disasters
  14. People loved ScotRail’s takedown of this idiot who got exactly what he deserved
  15. This chef shared his ‘butter/marmite ratio’ and people really can’t handle it
  16. People are sharing ‘signs you are getting fired’ – 19 favourites
  17. Donald Trump quizzed about his love for the Bible tells you exactly how many times he’s read it
  18. People are sharing the worst bathrooms they’ve ever seen and these 17 are truly terrible
  19. Simply 37 times God won at Twitter
  20. Katherine Ryan asked Twitter about her spider fright and there were some very biting replies

Reddit Funny

  1. This guy loves his job...lets get ready to travellllllll
  2. Showing humanity a better path.
  3. A calendar at work
  4. It doesn't want to be set free!
  5. I wanna meet this man
  6. Sorry Tom
  7. Here it is
  8. just dont run okay?
  9. Always expect the unexpected...
  10. hi
  11. When bees go, so goes our food
  12. I dont think it means-
  13. Lost it when he translated the pigeon
  14. Can't stop laughing at this
  15. Seems like a very agreeable transaction
  16. Catatouille.
  17. The sound of Water VS the sound of Beer
  18. Who are you and where is my mistress?
  19. "We didn't do it"
  20. Rammstein vs Cookie Monster
  21. HOMOSEXUALS ARE GAY 😂😂
  22. You had one job
  23. It’s not, not delivery
  24. I’ve been practicing the wrong instrument.....
  25. "Stop talking about balls"
  26. New mission.
  27. Greedy [OC]
  28. Rabbits love nose pets.
  29. It only gets better
  30. ⁣A bird puts a bottle in the recycling bin
  31. This makes me umcomfortable
  32. Just for fun.no trolling no hatred
  33. 10/10 would not recommend
  34. This is good
  35. It makes perfect sense
  36. It took me a second to get this one
  37. Fact
  38. A rare sighting of a unicorn
  39. this does put a smile on my face
  40. one of the most memorable baseball cards ever made.
  41. Mom does the best prank!
  42. The last dance of your life
  43. Man vs tree
  44. And it isn’t a Shih Tzu
  45. Meeting strangers in online gaming
  46. This sign my stepmom found at a bar
  47. My love for guitar is invincible
  48. Almost missed my turn to work this morning following this
  49. Using a hammer on a lollipop
  50. The kid at the bottom gets it
  51. Smooth move
  52. I want my mommy
  53. Context is important
  54. This is like Batman leaving us !
  55. She thought he was a statue so she grabbed his family jewels and I'm not talking about gemstones
  56. Reddits immigrants
  57. Conan O'Brienne
  58. Great marketing!
  59. This dog
  60. The face of regret
  61. Best reaction I’ve personally seen.
  62. "Hey, who did that?!"
  63. Got a new kitten yesterday. My boxer thinks it's her baby. This is how I'm trying to work from home today
  64. That's Some serious business tactics :)
  65. A happy accident
  66. Best interview ever
  67. Things you see on the interstate... PAY ATTENTION TO THE LICENSE PLATE!!
  68. Cream of sum yung gy.
  69. Wait till I get a daughter....
  70. AITA?
  71. I think you chipped a canine.
  72. This cop is probably jobless right now
  73. Happy Friday people
  74. Keep cool
  75. Sorry Spiderman
  76. So powerful, to safely use it, it had to be decriminalized
  77. Fired my groomer today
  78. Friend of mine was in the wrong place at the right time and captured this.
  79. Korean game
  80. I swear....
  81. It's a pleasure to meet you. The name's
  82. Walking every day will make your penis bigger
  83. I feel threatened
  84. Make it rain
  85. Your License to Smoke Weed is Revoked!
  86. Say whatever you want, this guy had balls..
  87. Ya like jazz?
  88. I wish i had a ticket instead
  89. Barry Larry Terry
  90. This makes me laugh..every single time I see it
  91. Friend watching vr porn gets irl shock
  92. Found a great picture of my brother
  93. Oooh yeah, that’s the spot!...right...th-there
  94. Woman at my dad's work does drawings on the staff room chalk board
  95. Beware of waking the sleeping rabbit
  96. The smile...that damn smile
  97. rip
  98. A restroom sign at a Kingston pub
  99. Pickachu surprise attack
  100. Nailed it

Cracked

  1. 18 Annoying Players You Can't Avoid In Multiplayer Games
  2. 4 Horrific Ways Video Games Try To Be Sexy
  3. 6 Insanely Complicated Ways Hollywood Tried To Stop Spoilers
  4. Disney's New 'Lady And The Tramp' Stars An Actual Tramp
  5. Your Urine's A Weapon In The Upcoming Game 'Death Stranding'
  6. Are You Full Of Weird Trivia & Know Photoshop? We'll Pay You
  7. 5 Reasons Time Travel Plots Are Usually Terrible
  8. 7 Unbelievable Stories Of Pets Reuniting With Their Owners
  9. Spider-Man Quits Marvel, A New Matrix -- Is It 2001 Again?
  10. The Secret Reason So Many Video Games Are A Tedious Grind
  11. 5 Tiny Dumb Pranks That Had Huge Unexpected Consequences
  12. Newly Found Lost Scene Does Not Improve The Mario Bros Movie
  13. Mysterious Flying Pennywise Doll Terrifies Random Woman, You
  14. 5 Bonkers Supervillain Plans Real Governments Actually Tried
  15. 5 Crazy Trump Stories That'd Be Scandals In A Normal World
  16. An Obi-Wan Spinoff Is Maybe, Possibly, Finally Happening
  17. George R.R. Martin's Feelin' Great After The Ending Of 'GOT'
  18. 5 Unsung Heroes Who Made Your Favorite Marvel Movie Moments
  19. 6 Real Revenge Plots That Spiraled Wildly Out Of Control
  20. 6 Chemical Reactions That Look Like Scenes From Horror Films
  21. 5 Reasons Social Media Influencers Are Getting Even Weirder
  22. 6 Real-Life Villains Who'd Be Too Crazy For Comic Books
  23. Four Loko Is Back As A Hard Seltzer To Make You Hate Water
  24. Meet TV Head Man, The Newest American Urban Legend
  25. 5 WTF Attempts To Bring Superheroes To TV
  26. 4 Crazy Ways The Human Body's Changing In Our Own Lifetimes
  27. Loot Crate Is Bankrupt, Can't Pay Employees Deadpool Merch
  28. Fun 'Star Wars' Theory: What If Luke Was Secretly Dead?
  29. 5 Actors Who Keep Playing Weirdly Specific Roles
  30. HD Remakes Are Making All Of Your Favorite Shows Unwatchable
  31. Verizon Ruined Tumblr And Just Sold It For Peanuts

Fark

  1. New Orleans neighborhood: Why do we keep flooding so damn much? New Orleans drainage inspectors: Well, here's your problem (pulls mid-size sedan from underground drain) [Strange]
  2. People in the North Carolina mountains are taking their right to bear arms a little too seriously [Sad]
  3. "Who is it?" "Danger Noodle, let me in" [Scary]
  4. Lord of the Seven burns surreal pattern into the green [Weird]
  5. Sheesh, not another TV show where chefs are shot in the face with a cannon full of food (possible nsfw content on page) [Unlikely]
  6. From mosquitos to vipers to police who want to remove you from your island, being a modern-day hermit ain't easy [Hero]
  7. Photoshop this pit viper [Photoshop]
  8. Wall Street Journal investigation declares Amazon to be dangerous to society. No, no, not the forest fire [Scary]
  9. Bringing back honey from Jamaica? That's 82 days in jail, Betty Naughtwite [Murica]
  10. I know people like to criticize WaPo around here, but they're a serious paper doing serious journalism. Like this listicle featuring totes real 1-star reviews of world wonders posted online by critics. Nobody's done that before, right? [Facepalm]
  11. Business Insider has found Jeffrey Epstein's social media accounts. To say the least, he had a very on-brand taste in music [Interesting]
  12. Woman goes to doctor thinking she's got water in her ear. Doctor pulls out a nope instead [Scary]
  13. South Carolina Dairy Queen disappoints Charlton Heston with their latest denial [Sad]
  14. Man high on drugs wields machete, last time he used an axe. Sounds like his inventory is mostly melee weapons, hope he doesn't have a halberd [Scary]
  15. Woman steals stroller, immediately forgets why [Facepalm]
  16. Remembering the time when a raging bull climbed a Scottish mountain, and there's no way he was goin' down. He don't go down for nobody [Vintage]
  17. There actually was a Nigerian Prince scam, and it worked [Obvious]
  18. Prince Andrew would disturb his mum's horses / The grooms they would throw such a fit / They'd just get out their shovels / and cover him in a big pile of ... Shaving Cream / be nice and clean / shave every day and you'll always look keen [Interesting]
  19. "When I wears my vaginal scent as perfume, men come flocking." Vagine, by Gucci [Creepy]
  20. Caption Boris Johnson yapping it up with the ladies [Caption]
  21. Woman reels in fish with 2 mouths (w/ pic). When mounted like a Big Mouth Billy Bass, will sing "Take Me To The River" in harmony [Creepy]
  22. China says that the US selling advanced F-16s to Taiwan will do nothing but make American fighter jet makers rich because China has overwhelming air superiority...but they will be SUPER pissed if the sale goes through [Fail]
  23. Uh, ma'am? This is a booking photo, not a glamour shot [Amusing]
  24. "Golfing in Florida is just different" Especially when a 7-foot alligator strolls near your ball before you take a shot [Florida]
  25. Accidentally shooting a gun in your apartment, claiming the hole in the wall was caused by a screwdriver, and then taking your frustration out at work by sexually harassing subordinates is no way to go through life, your honor [Facepalm]
  26. Australian man puts up small poster at coffee shop declaring himself "customer of the week," and then things escalate quickly [Amusing]
  27. What 36 holes might look like in Pasco County [Florida]
  28. I woke up this morning to a stiff Koch [News]
  29. Photoshop what the president is revealing [Photoshop]
  30. Overcock.ru [Repeat]
  31. Louisiana sheriff's office explains why they held a U.S. citizen who produced a driver's license, Social Security card and PASSPORT on an immigration detainer: See he had a Hispanic surname, and they had a "policy" to assume all Latinx were illegal [Facepalm]
  32. Don't get up Sunday to go to church? That's a guitar beating, boys [Murica]
  33. Prince Andrew got a foot massage from a young woman at Epstein's NY apartment [Sick]
  34. Ship's on fire, yo [Scary]
  35. Woman rescued from a septic tank after "two or three days." Subby doesn't even have a shiatty joke to make about that [Sick]
  36. When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: Traffic Court Edition [Dumbass]
  37. Mountain Lions are getting into the face eating game in Colorado [Scary]
  38. 2,800-year-old stone tablet provides more detail on a Biblically-referenced Moabite rebellion against the Kingdom of Israel. Netanyahu immediately invades Gaza in retaliation [Interesting]
  39. Michigan high school being renovated to make shootings more difficult with curved and zigzag corridors, decreased line of sight into classrooms, and safe spaces for duck and cover [Murica]
  40. Army says secretive warfare training is planned in 21 North Carolina Counties. Clearly more training is needed [Murica]
  41. Badass ship's captain who has rescued thousands of migrants in the Mediterranean sea and faces 20 years in prison in Italy for "aiding illegal immigration" refuses a medal for bravery from Paris, pointing out they ain't any better than Italy on this [Hero]
  42. New York man gets the shaft [Scary]
  43. A concerned Fresno Police Chief has serious questions after bodycam footage shows an officer punching an unarmed teenager repeatedly without cause. Questions like "why didn't they turn their body cams off?" and "Why didn't you all lose the footage?" [Unlikely]
  44. Don't you hate it when your depression sinks deeper and deeper, until you can no longer even ride your scooter, and it still takes four years for road crews to get around to fixing it? [Florida]
  45. Elephants not cause of gas leak at San Diego Zoo [Scary]
  46. Photoshop this following [Photoshop]
  47. The obituary claims the 94 year old was the best Lay on the reservation, and the account her adventures support that claim [Cool]
  48. "Five Killed in One Day of Shootings in New York City." Or, as New Yorkers from the 1980s call it, "The safest day of the year" [Sad]
  49. On this day in history, in 1776, British Redcoats under the command of General Howe landed at Long Island. Who? No, Howe. Well, they marched, I assume. What? [Vintage]
  50. MTV is really upping their game this season [Interesting]