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The Onion

  1. Pet Turtles Linked To Salmonella Outbreak
  2. ‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn
  3. The Impact Of Climate Change On Natural Disasters
  4. Sean Spicer Appears On Stage At Emmys
  5. ‘You Thought You Could Get Rid Of Me?’ Says Cassini Probe Emerging From Shadows To Confront Petrified NASA Administrator
  6. Maid Of Honor Specifically Selected For Ability To Take Emotional Beating
  7. ‘Rolling Stone’ Offering Readers 3-Month Free Trial Period For Buying Company
  8. Mark Zuckerberg Admits He Unsure Why Anyone Still Uses Facebook
  9. New Shot Could Deliver Several Vaccines At Once
  10. FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug
  11. Kevin James Announces He Is Not Considering Late-Career Shift Towards More Dramatic Roles
  12. Study: 90% Of All Meowing Comes From Owners Trying To Get Cats To Meow Back
  13. Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want
  14. Strongside/Weakside: Matt Ryan
  15. Strongside/Weakside: Aaron Rodgers
  16. NFL Introduces New Challenge Flares
  17. CBS Loses Dan Fouts For Season After Blowing Out Larynx On Routine Anecdote
  18. New Oregon Jerseys Display Fine Print Of Nike Contract
  19. Facebook Allowed Advertisers To Target ‘Jew Haters’
  20. Cassini Probe Realizes Too Late This Was A Setup All Along

Waterford Whispers

  1. Ploughing Match Struck By Flat Cap Shortage
  2. Ibrahim Halawa Comment Section Trial Delayed For The 25th Time
  3. Ryanair Offer Sincere Apology For €5 Per Passenger
  4. Mayo Kids In Temple Street Warn Dubs To Stay The Fuck Away
  5. New Student Signs Up With 50 Socs He’ll Never Attend
  6. Apple To Power Down All iPhone 7 Models Later This Evening
  7. Mikael Ø Lunde Announced As New CEO Of Norwegian Air
  8. WWN’s Horoscopes
  9. College Lecturer Looking Forward To Moment Students Realise They Don’t Have To Show Up
  10. Local Woman Not Too Keen On Last 14,000 Tinder Profiles She’s Seen

The Chive

  1. Guys laughing at car accident get instant karma (Video)
  2. These signs are a real gasser… Get it? (30 Photos)
  3. Cows in New Zealand are metal as f*ck (Video)
  4. Survey: 1 in 3 vegetarians admit to eating meat when drunk
  5. Remember guys, choose tugs not drugs (50 Photos)
  6. Some dogs can catch, other’s…can’t (16 GIFs)
  7. Kids create amazing cover of Metallica’s ‘Nothing Else Matters’ (Video)
  8. ‘Cute’ is just a word, these girls go well beyond that (90 Photos)
  9. That’s not a knife…this is a knife (Video)
  10. Daily Morning Awesomeness (37 Photos)

Pinboard Funny

Buzzfeed

  1. 16 Wrong Number Texts That Will Never Not Be Funny
  2. How Everyone In The Audience Reacted When Sean Spicer Came Onstage At The Emmys
  3. 14 Times Cole Sprouse Hilariously Called Out Shit That's Been Written About Him
  4. 75 Tweets That Will Make Your Sides Hurt From Laughing So Much
  5. 21 Deeply Upsetting Pictures Every Girl Will Look At And Say "Fuckkkkkk"
  6. 36 Things Only Incredibly Low-Maintenance Girls Will Understand
  7. Your Stance On These 20 Unpopular Foods Will Reveal Your Most Polarizing Quality
  8. People Are Sharing Things They Hate At Work And It's So Relatable
  9. 22 Extremely Important Questions I Need Americans To Answer
  10. 16 College Students Who Are Just Struggling...Hard
  11. 21 Foods That Confused The Shit Out Of You When You Were Younger
  12. Your Taste In Alcohol Will Reveal Which Hogwarts House You Belong In
  13. 21 Hilarious Tweets That Ain't Exactly Intellectual
  14. 13 Tumblr Stories That Are Completely Unverified, But Pretty Damn Entertaining
  15. Create A Horrible Boyfriend And We'll Reward You With A Hot Celeb Boyfriend
  16. 19 Tumblr Posts About Movies That Are So Damn True You Can't Help But Laugh
  17. 17 People Who Got Called The Fuck Out On Their Bullshit
  18. 26 People Who Really Don't Like Being Told What To Do
  19. 25 Safe-For-Work Photos That You Still Shouldn't Open At Work
  20. 17 Disney Posts That Are Gonna Fuck You Up A Little

Newsthump

  1. Britain First not that fussed about abuse by white paedophiles in Rochdale
  2. Returning Ryanair customers diagnosed with Stockholm syndrome
  3. ‘Je ne parle pas Anglais’ says former Brexit official shortly after resigning
  4. Local prick back doing Tai Chi in the park with no top on
  5. Everyone mourning bankruptcy of another shop they never used
  6. Bullshit means bullshit, weary nation reminds Theresa May
  7. Thousands of Ryanair customers ‘distraught’ to find out their flight isn’t cancelled
  8. Lib Dems told Edinburgh festival was last month after unveiling hilarious new ‘Vince Cable can be PM’ routine
  9. Driving ban sees Wayne Rooney open up eight-point gap over Everton
  10. Wile E. Coyote identified as ISIS bomb maker

The Daily Mash

  1. Best laid plans of mice and men ‘f**ked up by Ryanair’
  2. Man accidentally joins conversation about Mooncups
  3. Center Parcs is Brexit heaven, scientists confirm
  4. Woman who is her own harshest critic gives glowing review again
  5. Fresher gets free condom that will stay in his wallet for next three years
  6. Rooney sentenced to 100 hours of supporting Everton
  7. 49-year-old teased about his bike
  8. Ryanair cancellations ‘act of kindness in many ways’
  9. London house prices falling because it is horrible
  10. Dog cancels important garden visit due to rain
  11. Boris unveils plan to become PM by murdering everyone
  12. It’s Monday f**king morning again, experts confirm
  13. Lack of religious education leaves pupils unprepared for life in 1951
  14. Man on ‘Come Dine With Me’ had never been in a butcher’s before in his life 

  15. 90 percent of kebabs more regrettable than 90 percent of one night stands
  16. Man playing public piano in railway station doesn’t realise he’s a twat
  17. ‘Spa weekends’ are just drugs and gigolos, admit women
  18. Couple who ‘only smoke when drinking’ drinking a lot
  19. Printer not doing anything until you apologise
  20. Arsenal hoping nobody they know saw them in the Europa League

The Poke

  1. 21 totally fictional Sega games that’ll make you laugh and wish they were real
  2. Shocking: How the cost of everyday groceries has risen in the past 12 months
  3. Toys ‘R’ Us bankruptcy means parents will have to take their kids somewhere else to cry when they don’t get what they want
  4. This guy has invented the perfect metaphor for Brexit
  5. This comment left on a New York Times brownie recipe has quite a twist at the end
  6. This newspaper has written a headline that deserves some kind of award
  7. Moment Jeremy Corbyn shut out Piers Morgan goes viral
  8. Lewis Hamilton goes vegan to help save the planet
  9. Ryanair update their refund form after all those flight cancellations
  10. ‘All signs have a story to tell’
  11. Watch 3 Hollywood legends take down Donald Trump
  12. Bad day? This compilation of Sean Bean saying ‘bastard’ will help
  13. Kim Yong-un photo ‘looks like lost Pink Floyd cover’
  14. Is this the ‘most northern sandwich ever’?
  15. The noise this penguin makes falling over is us most of the time
  16. Faceswapping Justin Trudeau with Theresa May gives you an 80’s era Gary Numan
  17. Frankie Boyle has written about nuclear war and it’s required reading
  18. Naming your pets honestly
  19. There won’t be a better reaction to not winning an award than this one
  20. 10 responses to make you feel better about Boris Johnson

Reddit Funny

  1. My daughter is fighting the man with dignity and grace... I've never been more proud.
  2. Hello!
  3. The local newspaper is kinda famous for its headlines
  4. Concentrate on a different person every loop
  5. Someone left their phone in a Little Caesar's and found this on their iCloud
  6. Pup interrupts soccer match, gives interview
  7. Well shit.
  8. American problems...
  9. Slinkies make the best anti-squirrel security devices
  10. This is my license plate. Thought some of you would like it.
  11. the good old times
  12. My dog looks like Shelley Duvall.
  13. Today I watched the sun rise at the South Pole.
  14. Super punch
  15. Perfect execution.
  16. "Moved house, dog has never seen stairs before"
  17. Little girl, big coat
  18. It's not just any biscuit....
  19. Al Bundy !
  20. Tinder date triangle
  21. Smarties
  22. Godammit
  23. dog.exe has encountered stairs
  24. I'm a traditional guy. I'll do it my way.
  25. It's kind of a risk reward situation
  26. A gentle reminder that you are disposable
  27. Karl Pilkington
  28. Something doesn't add up ...
  29. Engineers and spellings...
  30. And I wasn't even drunk yet
  31. Spoiled Intimate Moment
  32. The resemblance is uncanny.
  33. Son, let's learn how our ancestors behave
  34. A baby bed inspired by the film "Jaws"
  35. Leo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp celebrate National Cheeseburger Day
  36. How I react to non-redditers now that I made front page.
  37. This accident is brought to you by...
  38. This girl wins at life.
  39. Instructions on box were not clear
  40. Adulting Level: Pro
  41. Instructions Were Unclear
  42. Dammit, Joshua!
  43. Just some dude skateboarding with his shoulder cat
  44. Out of nowhere this notification came up on my smartwatch and I realised I have wasted my life.
  45. The Bat Signal
  46. Got bored at work
  47. He was way ahead of his time
  48. Think of the children
  49. "Looks like you hurt yourself pretty bad", I said to my Sister. "What?", she replied. "Those are some pretty large stitches on your knees, must have been painful"...
  50. The human skateboard stop-motion
  51. You're never too young to zombie
  52. Thinking of making cards as a hobby on the side. This is my first (unfinished) idea. Would you buy this if the occasion was right?
  53. My parents are touring China and spotted this very thoughtful sign...
  54. Saw this bumper sticker on the side of a car and it's one of my favorites!!!
  55. Saw this guy in traffic the other day
  56. You've heard of elf on the shelf, now comes...
  57. "Go hang a salami" spelled backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog"
  58. When boss leaves the the office.
  59. "Make a wish, lil bro!"
  60. Soulmate
  61. This wipes windows in seconds...
  62. Hello my baby. Hello my honey. Hello my ragtime gal.
  63. Neighbor parked against my car
  64. 100% Natural Ingredients
  65. He was yelling 'incoming' when I turned around to see this.
  66. Bad joke elk
  67. My daughter is unsure on how to proceed with her reading assignment
  68. Found this sweet potato turd in the garden
  69. IT's Always Sunny
  70. Drive Safely... or Graduate on Your Flipped Beetle.
  71. So hilarious, I couldn't resist to post it.
  72. "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
  73. Trick or treat?
  74. Now I know where BABY Carrots come from!
  75. One spicy burrito
  76. The Architect had fun with this one
  77. This lady brought in her laptop to get repaired today. The laptop was frozen on the lock screen. Absolute gold!
  78. This woman is walking a raw chicken
  79. Nice try, Pennywise.
  80. Don't worry, his face broke the wall
  81. Those Guys At Work
  82. Welcome!
  83. Cute girl showing her kitty.
  84. Thief reincarnate
  85. She's now my wife's rat dog and she still doesn't let me poop in piece
  86. This little guy is going to do great things for the world
  87. Damn NAPA
  88. Your aunt was kind enough to make it for you So you're going to wear it
  89. Everyone was really shocked.
  90. WRONG LEVER KRONK!
  91. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
  92. Yes please
  93. Saw this at the front desk at a youth Hostel in Boston.
  94. How has Willem Dafoe not been The Joker yet?
  95. Don't think the new Doctor has quite figured out the point of the Chameleon Circuit.
  96. Step 1: don't let her see the book
  97. When the college spells it wrong so you have to correct them.
  98. I'm Göhring to hell for this
  99. For that real basic bitch in your life.
  100. come on out Kim Jong-un

Cracked

  1. You Lose A Bit Of Humanity: 5 WTF Realities Of Journalism
  2. 5 Recent Movies (You Never Realized Were Completely Insane)
  3. 5 Everyday Annoyances (That Are About To Go Away Forever)
  4. How Napoleon Dynamite Ruined 'Pedro's' Life
  5. This Color Gradient Puzzle Is Infuriatingly Beautiful
  6. The Single Most Entitled Reaction To Modern Problems
  7. 6 Pop Culture World Record Winners You'd Never Expect
  8. 5 Superpowers You Never Noticed All Movie Characters Have
  9. Bernie's Medicare-For-All, Ted Cruz's Porno Free-For-All
  10. 5 Things I'm Fine With My Daughter Getting Suspended Over
  11. I Own A Bike Instead Of A Car: 5 Reasons Everyone Hates Me
  12. 5 Ads That Tried To Be Sexy But Were Just Disturbing Instead
  13. The Insane 'Full House' Theory That Might Be True
  14. The Movie You Expected, Side By Side With What You Got
  15. 5 Secrets You Learn When You're A Gun Consultant For Movies
  16. Fool Your Boss Into Thinking You're Smart With These 4 Apps
  17. 4 Weird Panics Everyone Has For No Logical Reason
  18. 6 Ways Movies Fool You Into Ignoring Bad Reviews
  19. An Honest Apology From Goofy to His Son
  20. Everything You Need To Know About DACA
  21. The True Danger Of Hurricane Season Is Much More Long-Term
  22. 6 Crazy-Looking Movies You've Never Heard Of (Fall 2017)
  23. The Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 9/15
  24. 5 Simple Questions That Make The Internet Destroy Itself
  25. Why We Need To Be Talking About American Tail
  26. I Was There At Disneyland's Opening (And It Was A Nightmare)
  27. Feel Terrible? These 5 Reality Shows Will Definitely Help
  28. 6 Animals Whose Mating Habits Make Humans Look Like Prudes
  29. 5 Unbelievable Jerk Moves Made By The Mainstream Media
  30. The Insane Harry Potter Fan Theory That Might Be True
  31. 3 Tech Career Skills (That Have Nothing To Do With Art)
  32. 5 Lessons That Suicide Squad Needs To Learn For Its Sequel
  33. 7 Hilariously Dangerous Versions Of Boring Normal Jobs
  34. 6 Ways Movie Trailers Always Lie (That You've Never Noticed)
  35. 6 Movies Whose Timelines Don't Add Up

Fark

  1. Guy who climbed mountain only in his underwear develops hypothermia - which is French for "don't climb a farkin' mountain only in your underwear" [Dumbass]
  2. Suicide by cop leads to three post suicide protest arrests [Followup]
  3. Must be a day ending in "Y" as Fox News is sued, again, for sexual harassment [Interesting]
  4. People of Alaska, we hope you are enjoying this year's Permanent Fund Dividend check worth $1,100. If the people you keep electing into office would just stop meddling, that check could have been worth $2,350 [Sad]
  5. Toys "Я" Bankrupt [Followup]
  6. Mars research crew emerges after eight months in isolation; reads news, asks to be returned to isolation [Interesting]
  7. Police officers are not a disenfranchised minority [Obvious]
  8. People in Switzerland want to know who is clogging their toilets with wads of cash [Strange]
  9. Come for an update on the now 27-year-old Hensel twins, stay for the completely unfounded speculation about their sex life. And by that we mean, abdicating facts to assume they skip guys for mutual incestuous conjoined lesbian masturbation (SFW) [Unlikely]
  10. Come here, Maria. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty [News]
  11. Considering Florida's dismal power grid, being able to use solar power during outages could be very helpful. Naturally, Florida Power and Light lobbyists made exactly that illegal [Florida]
  12. Not News: Man commits suicide. News: While sitting in his vehicle in parking structure of international airport. Fark: His body wasn't discovered until 8 months later [Sick]
  13. Couple driving through northern Maine forced to stop in middle of road. (Lynx go nowhere) [Strange]
  14. Few things qualify as more hoonigan than doing a burnout in a car being towed on a trailer [Facepalm]
  15. Fark NotNewsletter: Changes afoot for online advertising [FarkBlog]
  16. I'd tap that [News]
  17. Trump planning on copying Best Korea with a parade [Facepalm]
  18. Photoshop what should be in this pot [Photoshop]
  19. Dylann Roof wishes he had a white supremacist lawyer and not one of these horrible Jewish lawyers. How can I be declared innocent of killing a church full of black people with a Jewish lawyer? I need a creepy racist lawyer with a bowl cut [Stupid]
  20. Tonight at 8PM EDT, a special Paul's Memory Bank as I pay tribute to our beloved soosh by sampling some playlists from early in the year [Live]
  21. OK, this is the Whole World. And this is us. No sir, we're not the whole world. These other thingies are other countries. No sir, we can't make them go away [Facepalm]
  22. After getting buzzed by North Korean missiles Japan's prime minister is looking to quickly rewrite their pacifist Constitution [Interesting]
  23. Intoxicated wedding guests try to mingle with a bison herd. Darwin heard muttering "too easy" [Facepalm]
  24. Mystery woman has been crashing every funeral at local church for 14 years just so she can stuff her face at the free buffet [Awkward]
  25. WA father claims that he accidentally shot his son repeatedly with flaming balls from a "fireworks gun" in a "safety lesson" that went accidentally awry. His 6-year-old son tells a different, more believable, and frankly better-constructed story [Fail]
  26. This story of a slam poet and a stolen house gets weirder the further down you go [Amusing]
  27. Photoshop this flying man [Photoshop]
  28. Burglar jerks off after breaking in. In burglar circles this is known as a whack job [Dumbass]
  29. There's a time and place to take selfies and check your backpack, and it's not while A) Riding a motorcycle on a motorway; B) Practicing wheelies; C) Doing 117 mph; D) Being followed by the police; or E) Any or all of these [Dumbass]
  30. Bill Gates thinks an outbreak of disease could kill 30 million people within the next 10 years. No word if he thinks it could come from a virus [Interesting]
  31. Donation info for Farker timujin's final expenses, link goes to fundraiser [Sad]
  32. Woman with a gun, threatening to shoot herself? Don't worry, the Florida Police are there to help with that [Florida]
  33. Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-09-10 to Sat 2017-09-16 [FarkBlog]
  34. Man helps himself to bacon from woman's plate. Surprisingly, she objects. Late-night hilarity at the Waffle House ensues [Florida]
  35. Caption these construction workers [Caption]
  36. *Bark* Bark* "Hello, 911?" *Bark* *Bark* "This is 911, what is your emergency?" *Bark* *Bark* [Scary]
  37. After harassing black passenger on bus, Seattle Nazi followed by bystanders and punched [Video]
  38. Snapchat blocks Al-Jazeera in Saudi Arabia. How will fearless reporters send dick pics to fundamentalist Muslims now? [Interesting]
  39. Big rig hauling 40,000 pounds of dog food overturns on freeway, spilling its contents. That's ruff [Amusing]
  40. Lexus goes "Hey, Kool-Aid!" on fourth floor parking garage wall. Oh, yeah! [Fail]
  41. Photoshop this magic mushroom [Photoshop]
  42. Swastika and racist message found on Drake. You'd think he'd have woken up during that [Sick]
  43. RIP Stanislav Petrov, the man who saved the world [Sad]
  44. Happy 308th birthday, What the Fark Am I Reading Guy [PSA]
  45. "Is there a Tulls here? Jenna Tulls? Hey everybody Show me Jenna Tulls" [Amusing]
  46. Sometimes it helps if you put up a link to the quiz once it's ready to go. It's the (very late) Fark Weekly Weird News Quiz, Sept. 3-9 Tangerine Edition [Fail]
  47. You, you, and your rabbit don't understand why all the voices are talking to me [Interesting]
  48. Now I know why; they're faster than I. I guess we'll die [Amusing]
  49. "My life improved when I moved from a blue state to a red state," claims delusional woman [Unlikely]
  50. The cruise ship industry and US Govt. really missed the boat not coming to the people that were stranded in the Caribbean islands and Houston They could have helped dammit. No food or water doggonit . How does money work? [Fail]