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The Onion

  1. SeaWorld Dynamites Orca That Beached Itself On Concrete Walkway
  2. Report: There Just Something Dark And Intriguing About Man With Serious Personality Disorder
  3. European Leaders: ‘We Stand Together To Say Loud And Clear: We Are Scared As Fuck And Don’t Know What To Do’
  4. Fleas Carrying Bubonic Plague Found In Arizona
  5. What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film
  6. Spanish Authorities Ask Anyone With Information About Curbing Endless Cycle Of Nihilistic Violence To Come Forward
  7. ‘My Work Here Is Done,’ Smiles Contented Bannon Before Bursting Into Millions Of Spores
  8. Nation Begs Disaffected Youth Gravitating Toward Neo-Nazism To Get High And Play Xbox Instead
  9. Top 10 College Preseason Football Teams
  10. Costco Forced To Pay $19 Million For Selling Fake Tiffany Rings
  11. Report: 97% Of Inner Tube Occupants Agree It Doesn’t Get Any Better Than This
  12. Man Forced To Pathetically Comb Through Movie For Familiar Scene After Falling Asleep Previous Night
  13. Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious
  14. How Democrats Plan To Rebrand Their Party
  15. Man Misidentified As Charlottesville Terrorist Suing Right-Wing News Sites
  16. Man Worried Favorite Jedi Died After Seeing ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ Trending
  17. Inverted Bob Added To Supercuts Arctic Vault Where Hairstyles Preserved For Future Generations
  18. Aides Say Bannon Was Not On The Record When He Issued Deafening, Atonal Howl That Caused Journalist’s Skull To Explode
  19. Trump Inspires Thousands Of Kids To Believe They Could One Day Grow Up To Be President Of Confederacy
  20. Malala Can Tell Oxford Paired Her With Roommate Just Because They’re Both Nobel Laureates

Waterford Whispers

  1. Dáithí Ó Sé Airlifted To Hospital After Suspected Craic Overdose
  2. Local Woman Refusing To Read Anything In Conflict With Her Worldview
  3. Clown Community Blasts Steve Bannon For Likening Them To White Nationalists
  4. 154 Key Talking Points From The 20 Second McGregor Sparring Footage
  5. Local Girl Didn’t Get As Many Points As Her Older Sister, Mother Confirms
  6. Weed Dealer No Fucking Idea What Strain It Is
  7. Parents To Spend Day Calculating What A H6 Is in ‘Real Results’
  8. Budget Airline Complains About Budget Passengers
  9. Border Fears Grow As Brexit Plan To Make It Even Harder To Buy Fireworks
  10. Woman Wearing Fake Tan Turns Bed Sheets Into Post-Impressionist Masterpiece

The Chive

  1. Stuff people wasted their money on because they were young and didn’t know any better (13 GIFs)
  2. Random memes that made us spit out our morning coffee this week (36 photos)
  3. History’s toughest riddles are gonna make you scratch your noggin (13 Photos)
  4. Grab your rod, it’s fishing time! (30 Photos)
  5. A bear is not the company you want when cleaning your garage (Video)
  6. Weekend Morning Awesomeness (40 Photos)
  7. 12 people who accomplished incredible things thanks to drugs (13 Photos)
  8. It takes balls to ride a wave machine, but this is too far (Video)
  9. How did you get that job and are you hiring? (23 Photos)
  10. Sh*t happens sometimes (39 Photos)

Pinboard Funny

Buzzfeed

  1. 23 Food Pictures That Will Make You Say "That's Pretty Weird"
  2. Rate These NSFW Cocks And We'll Tell You How Horny You Are
  3. Tina Fey Showed The Receipts When Kathie Lee Gifford Accused Her Of Snubbing "The Today Show"
  4. If You Have These 8 Types Of Sex, You're In A Long-Term Couple
  5. You're Only Allowed To Keep Eating Food If You Get 10 Or More Right On This Quiz
  6. Kate Winslet And Leonardo DiCaprio Are Clearly Actually Living As Jack And Rose In A Parallel Universe
  7. 7 Reasons Why You Get Bitten By Mosquitoes More Than Everyone Else
  8. 45 Twitter Reactions From The Latest “Game Of Thrones” Episode That Will Make You Laugh, Shout, Then Laugh Some More
  9. 23 Hysterical Tweets From This Week
  10. 25 Tweets That Are So Damn Good They Got Over 100K Retweets
  11. 19 Of The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
  12. OMG, Now We Know How Kylie Jenner Found Kim K's Earring At The Bottom Of The Ocean
  13. Justin Bieber Messaged A Gym About A Woman And People Are Shook
  14. 23 Things Americans Don't Realize Are Weird
  15. Vogue Asked Jennifer Aniston About Her Nipples Showing On "Friends," And She Gave A Pretty Candid Answer
  16. 17 señales de prohibición que no tienen ni pies ni cabeza
  17. 26 Cartoon Characters In Their First Episode Vs. Now
  18. 24 Tweets About Food That'll Make Your Hungry Ass Chuckle Just A Little
  19. 35 Secret Things Most Women Have Done On Their Period But Don't Talk About
  20. 27 Annoying TV Plot Lines That Pissed Everyone Off

Newsthump

  1. Half-full garbage bag on Steve Bannon’s desk actually Steve Bannon
  2. “Didn’t he do well?” says everybody
  3. Please only refer to the Barcelona terrorists as ‘shrivelled-dicked bastards’, press told
  4. BBC Newsnight provides glimpse of a Trumpian Britain by allowing fictional rabid bigot to host
  5. ‘Study what Grand Moff Tarkin did to Alderaan, no more radical rebel alliance for 35 years’ tweets Donald Trump
  6. LinkedIn now 100% dickhead
  7. Littlehampton branch of Wimpy misses out on Good Food Guide restaurant of the year yet again
  8. Saving Private Ryan branded ‘alt-left propaganda’
  9. Staunch egalitarian Sarah Champion distances herself from notorious race-baiter Sarah Champion
  10. Daily Mail celebrates ‘Barely legal sexy girls getting exam results’ day

The Daily Mash

  1. Hawking discovers new super-dense black hole
  2. So-called ‘child genius’ doesn’t even know what ‘chinny reckon’ means
  3. Girls whispering about you
  4. Science fiction series set in parallel world where Trump is a good human being
  5. No one sure how to tell couple all their baby names are ridiculous
  6. Primark ‘must never be said aloud’
  7. Bastard cat refusing to do that cute thing he does
  8. 45-year-old man finally accepts that some people like rap music
  9. Successful A-Level student to mention results every day for rest of life
  10. Trump to chew long piece of grass while holding shotgun across his shoulders
  11. Paul Dacre swinging Quasimodo-like from Big Ben
  12. UK celebrates record number of shit jobs
  13. Everyone agrees to pretend dubstep didn’t happen
  14. ‘Cosplay not just fancy dress’ says man dressed as Chewbacca or maybe some kind of hairy elf
  15. Woman giving herself pep talk in mirror accidentally summons Morrissey
  16. Parents practising shocked expressions ahead of son’s shit A-level results
  17. How much money would it take for you to just f**k off? world asks Trump
  18. Cat judging owner for taking it out on lead
  19. DVD still not working despite being wiped on man’s trouser leg 

  20. White supremacists ‘commemorate the past’ by living with their parents

The Poke

  1. When Jeremy Hunt said Stephen Hawking got his science wrong
  2. Who’s going to be fired next week on … The Apprentice
  3. 12 signs that will make you smile
  4. Can you spot the hidden message in this resignation letter to Trump?
  5. Farewell, Steve Bannon. 11 funniest responses to Trump strategist’s White House exit
  6. ‘Cord-free. Hassle-free. Powerful suction … Hamsters’
  7. Nice to see you, to see you nice. Our favourite Bruce Forsyth tributes
  8. This person is now feeling really bad – and a bit weird. RIP Brucie
  9. Trump’s ‘alt-left’ tirade gets Downfall treatment and it’s glorious
  10. That thing when you wish Arnold Schwarzenegger was president
  11. This house for sale in Cork, Ireland has gone viral because the neighbour’s garden is something else
  12. This ‘corporate flow chart’ might ring true for a few of you
  13. ‘This is how the postman hid our package’
  14. Oops! National Express have named a new mascot after some rather naughty gay slang
  15. This graphic will make Scottish people proud
  16. This collage of headlines saying what millennials are killing should make millennials feel very guilty about killing everything
  17. ‘Might be the best thing that’s ever happened on TV’
  18. Maybe this is one Confederate statue that could be left up?
  19. Our favourite tweets on A-level results day
  20. New cover of the Economist not holding back

Reddit Funny

  1. When your food fights back
  2. What happens when I tell people I'm colourblind.
  3. Natural freinds.
  4. How T-shirts are designed
  5. American businesses
  6. You have my business
  7. Always cite your sources
  8. saw this on the car infront of us...
  9. Had to tug a bit, but I found the skimmer!
  10. Amazing Customer Service from Cheggs
  11. Otters see a butterfly
  12. It wasn't me......
  13. This Ad
  14. I know she loves me
  15. The picture NASA doesn't want you to see.
  16. Girlfriend wanted me shave hope she still likes me
  17. Mystery solved
  18. In appreciation of all police officers making the world safer!
  19. Bollywood in a nutshell
  20. When you can't sleep everything becomes funny
  21. When you can't line it up.
  22. My dad just sent me this pic of our dog. The neighbors texted him in the middle of the day, "Your dog is on the roof..."
  23. Am a teacher. A cat got into our building today...
  24. Seems pretty accurate
  25. Googly eyes really makes character expressions better
  26. Children must always be first.
  27. "Fast" is a relative term.
  28. Woman falls into fountain while texting.
  29. There's a mural in my town that I swear is an old man exposing himself to some ladies.
  30. This seems like a waste of money.
  31. Stay within the lines!
  32. Human! I wish to enter!
  33. No baby on board.
  34. Meanwhile in Canada
  35. Got your nose!
  36. August 22nd, everybody gonna be like...
  37. Dadzilla vs. Mothra
  38. Got it.
  39. My coolness levels peaked in the 90s.
  40. The Art of War
  41. The Future Is Now
  42. It's as if it was meant to be
  43. Administrator
  44. Someone posted this to our local flea market Facebook page
  45. NSFW Man's ear gets cut off mid game
  46. The internet from now to the end of time.
  47. Concert signs.
  48. There is no wifi on the ferry in Iceland.
  49. A few years ago, a friend and I made false corpses with sheets before leaving our hotel
  50. Someone vandalized a railroad crossing down the road from my house.
  51. Flip side
  52. Human immune system builder.
  53. The very rare Round Tuit
  54. The Trampoline Doggo.
  55. 2 year old checkmates her TRIGGERED classmate
  56. World of Toilet Troubles
  57. Interesting rebranding for my local coffee shop
  58. Tada!
  59. My awesome birthday card.
  60. I didn't know horror stories could come in two sentences.
  61. Self-aware robot
  62. When babies start crying during a movie
  63. Who am I to stand in its way?
  64. Morning rum
  65. Big man has the moves.
  66. Someone fucked up
  67. The face of regret.
  68. Just met Christian Bale.
  69. This reminds me of something
  70. This sleeping bag fits juuuust right!
  71. Leo bald is basically just Jack Nicholson.
  72. TIL ive been doing it wrong my entire life.
  73. friday mood
  74. Made a spelling error. Was not disappointed.
  75. 💩
  76. Hm
  77. Sobriety test at the local pizza place
  78. Work is passing out eclipse kits
  79. So I've just noticed what is written on my nephews toy car.. relentless giggling ensued
  80. Baby's first firework
  81. Secret footage of chinese preparing after hearing bolt is out.
  82. Need water?
  83. Not actual size
  84. He does not bend the knee
  85. You'll laugh and refuse to admit it!
  86. I think someone's jealous
  87. When his hand faster than his head!
  88. Custom jerseys done right
  89. Jon Snow, the real dragon
  90. If it tits, I sits
  91. "I've had enough of your shit, human. You die now."
  92. New species in Antarctica
  93. Meanwhile In Wisconsin...
  94. A Nigerian gym.
  95. Game on iPad with the new Apple Catpad
  96. I'm Pretty Sure I'm Saying it Wrong
  97. Keep attacking the statues, see what happens!!
  98. As a police officer assigned to a middle school, I had to get my back to school picture done. I hope my wife packed a juice box.
  99. Guess who lost his ID Card?
  100. He didn't stop for 5 minutes

Cracked

  1. I'm A Young Person Who Has A Colostomy Bag: This Is My Life
  2. 4 Game Of Thrones Characters Who Really Dropped The Ball
  3. I Went To North Korea: What You've Heard Vs. What I Saw
  4. How Video Games Are Becoming Movies
  5. 42 Better Recaps Of Famous Movies
  6. Become The Genius You Know You Are With These 5 Courses
  7. 5 Things To Understand About Modern Hate Groups
  8. 5 Petty Quirks That Become Relationship Killers Over Time
  9. 5 Batsh** Details About Trump-Russia Nobody's Talking About
  10. Why Hasn't There Been a Rebellion In King's Landing Yet?
  11. 5 Failed Sports That Were Clearly Created By Psychopaths
  12. The Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 8/18
  13. 6 Directors Who Secretly Made The Same Movie Twice
  14. 6 Stupid Things Movie Villains Did (For No Apparent Reason)
  15. Why The Wizard Of Oz Is Worse Than You Remember
  16. I'm A Bee Detective (Seriously), And My Job Is Crazy AF
  17. 5 Romantic Comedy Tropes That Would Be Creepy In Real Life
  18. 6 Once-Popular Movies Genres Hollywood Doesn't Make Anymore
  19. 6 Futuristic Movie Scenarios Already Disproven By Science
  20. Why We Hope Disney's Streaming Service Fails
  21. You'll Have Mo' Money & Less Problems With These 4 Courses
  22. 5 Pitch Black Realities Connected To Pokemon Gold And Silver
  23. 5 Famous Corpses That Ended Up In Totally Random Places
  24. 5 Huge Real-World Problems Hollywood Completely Ignores
  25. Why Time Travel Wouldn�€™t Work For Everyone
  26. Modern 'Back To School' Guides Assume You're A Millionaire
  27. 5 Celebrities Whose Lives Got Ruined By Their Movies
  28. 5 WTF Real Jobs That Allow You To Commit Legal Crimes
  29. This Week In Pop Culture (8/18/17)
  30. What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (8/20/2017)
  31. We Could've Avoided Trump By Listening To George Washington
  32. Become The Busiest Worker Bee With These 7 Courses
  33. 6 Weirdly Specific Ideas Movies Have About Normal Bathrooms
  34. 6 Seemingly Normal Celebs With Full-On Crazy Beliefs
  35. 7 Demented Tales Of Rock Star Sex You Never Heard Before

Fark

  1. What happens when you send a Cracked comedy writer to Best Korea for a week? You get back a ... surprisingly balanced and thoughtful look at a largely misunderstood country? [Interesting]
  2. The folks at Delish think you should be adding peanut butter to your burger. No, really. Look, they're serious, stop laughing. Fine, whatever, your loss [Strange]
  3. Photoshop these triangles [Photoshop]
  4. Flora became depressed after losing her beloved feline companion of many years, but is doing much better now as she is fostering four adorable kittens on Caturday [Caturday]
  5. Wal Mart security guard to bicyclist she ran over: "There's no security cameras back here." Albuquerque Police: "Um, yea, about that" [Facepalm]
  6. Contact lenses are great. As long as you habitually clean them so you avoid yeast, bacterial infections, or bugs that can eat your eyeballs [Scary]
  7. Thieves steal 20 tons of Nutella. Crooks are believed to be armed and morbidly obese [Strange]
  8. It never helps when you look like a cave dweller from 'Dungeons & Dragons' in your mugshot [Strange]
  9. Woman laughs herself to death with the help of gravity [Sad]
  10. "I'm looking for my teeth. Can I check your balcony?" [Awkward]
  11. Mother doesn't report boyfriend molesting her 6-year-old daughter because A) she isn't aware of it, B) she fears for their safety, or C) she has a 'hectic work schedule' [Sick]
  12. Democracy voucher program under investigation, as apparently someone didn't properly fill out their fraud voucher [Interesting]
  13. Florida detectives hot on the trail of stolen van will not disclose their methods, although those methods apparently don't include 'check the tollbooths it keeps driving through' [Florida]
  14. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS A KNOWN RACIST AND NAZI SYMPATHIZER. Huh. Well, that's an odd message for the Trump Hotel in Washington, D.C. to display over its front door, but OK [Hero]
  15. Nena Springs fire threatens homes and resort near eclipse path, launches 99 red balloons [Scary]
  16. Florida woman arrested for drunk driving after blowing a .sleestak [Florida]
  17. Photoshop this free rider [Photoshop]
  18. Richmond police warn McDonald's renovations could cause prostitution shift [Strange]
  19. And because people have to double down on being reprehensible, Susan Bro, the mother of Heather Heyer, has been receiving death threats for speaking out [Sick]
  20. ߷📲 [Stupid]
  21. When traveling to Oregon for your eclipse viewing, please keep in mind the strange laws and customs of the locals, such as not smoking pot in public [Interesting]
  22. Look for shadow bands before and after the total eclipse. Also Subby's Total Eclipse Shadow Band will be performing that day [Cool]
  23. Topeka gorilla finally gives a shiat [Cool]
  24. Judge avoids conviction for DUI, (BAC .188) because reasons, will stay on bench [Asinine]
  25. Fark-ready headline: Man 'tied his penis to shotgun and then shot himself in the head' [Scary]
  26. Photoshop this empty office [Photoshop]
  27. Alaska discovers their political party application accepts emojis, and that they now have an officially registered party named "Everybody Poops and We Can Prove It" 💩 [Amusing]
  28. Car's got a lot of pickup [Scary]
  29. New Confederate monument set to be unveiled in Crenshaw County, AL. Because remembering unknown Confederate soldiers who never came home from Civil War belongs next to RV park belonging to man who owns the monument [Asinine]
  30. Guess which Florida prison is on lockdown. Congratulations, you are correct [Florida]
  31. Man's head and upper chest found in shopping cart. Police hope to make a bust [Sick]
  32. Local residents moaning about noise from the sex festival being held in their town [Interesting]
  33. Next week, don't be like this guy who stared at solar eclipse without special sunglasses in 1962 [Scary]
  34. Rare stolen sousaphone returned to owner after being tracked down on the shadowy world of underground sousaphone black markets [Followup]
  35. "When he found the pills he thought to himself 'Oh, dude pills' and took them" [Dumbass]
  36. Maryland shows the country how it is done again. Dred Scott approves [Spiffy]
  37. "To pull off the heist, one of the suspects drilled a hole in the ATM and filled it with gasoline, while the second suspect placed a fuse into the ATM and detonated the cash machine" [Interesting]
  38. Bannon latest to pull the 'I can't be fired, I quit' maneuver [NewsFlash]
  39. The eclipse is already messing up traffic in Oregon. No word on how many died crossing the river [PSA]
  40. Children are becoming "violent, militarized monsters" thanks to Disney movies like The Incredibles and Toy Story 3 [Fake]
  41. Why hasn't Trump tweeted about Chuck E. Cheese plans to remove their animatronic bands? [Sad]
  42. Several people stabbed in Finland. Suspect shot by police and is in custody [NewsFlash]
  43. Millennials are killing "it" now [Spiffy]
  44. Photoshop this monster truck [Photoshop]
  45. How bad is the pollution in India? Dogs are turning blue. Yes ... for real [Strange]
  46. One of America's favorite Nazis, Charles Manson, gets a sexy new mug shot. Trump will comment after he's spent a few days investigating whether Manson is a good Nazi or a bad Nazi [Sick]
  47. Everyone will be paying attention to the solar eclipse next week. Except for the Navajos who will be quietly fasting indoors so as not to gawk at this unholy celestial union of lust between the Sun and the Moon [Interesting]
  48. This *isn't* how you protest confederate statues [Fail]
  49. Hey, I'm taxiing here [Fail]
  50. "We must ban open carry" [Murica]